How to do a tech detox with your teen

With an incentive for your kid and some preparation, it's not just doable but fun

If you have school-aged kids, this is the time of the summer when things start to drag. Maybe they had a week of camp or family vacation, but now they’re sitting in their room on their phone, surfing the web on their laptop, or watching streaming on their tablet. And the start of school, with its inundation of school-issued devices and screen-based homework, is right around the corner.

Time for a reset. Any break from school is the perfect opportunity to find out what your kid is like without devices. I’ve always done a version of this over the summer, giving my kids an hour a day of their laptops and then physically taking them back. But now they’re teens with phones, friends, and strong opinions, making a tech detox harder.

Then my 14-year-old daughter asked for an expensive hair dryer straightener combo (given the price, it should make coffee and maybe even doughnuts too). The first time she asked, I said no. Then I realized it was an opportunity – I told her I would buy it for her if she could spend a week almost entirely without her electronic devices. She agreed, even though it was a summer week when not only did we not have plans, but her sister would be out of the country at a high school summer program. Under normal circumstances, it would be a week when she’d be very tempted to be on her phone all day even though it’s a kids phone with no social media (see Rule #4 in 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World: First phones should be basic phones).

I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but the week was a tremendous success. She found new interests, learned how to spend time without her devices, read an entire book for the first time in months, and talked to me and her dad much more than usual. I think this experiment worked because we prepared ahead of time and because I got her buy-in. Here are my tips for a successful tech detox for tweens and teens:

1. Decide on your incentive. Maybe your kid really wants something you wouldn’t normally buy them. Maybe they want to go to an amusement park. Or maybe you want to cut back their screen time over the summer and you’re just going to lay down the law. Be upfront about whether you’re going to offer an incentive or not. Given my experience with teens, it will probably be a lot easier if you do. My daughter and I didn’t argue at all over her screen time during the detox week, probably because I told her she wouldn’t get the hair dryer/straightener if she fought the rules we’d settled on.

2. Make a list of non-screen activities in advance. For most kids and especially teens, this should be a list of things they would like to do, not necessarily things you would like them to do. That’s OK as long as it doesn’t involve a screen. As one place to start, Let Grow has a list of activities for teens you can get by signing up at their website. My daughter chose diamond painting, cooking, reading, cleaning out her closet, and bedazzling (where you put sparkly stuff on things like bottles and folders). We bought the diamond painting and bedazzling supplies well in advance of her week.

3. Make a plan for out-of-the-house activities. Most of us, teens and adults, never leave the house without our phones. So it’s good to think of workarounds ahead of time. My daughter wanted to spend one of her days hanging out at a friend’s house. I thought this was a great non-screen activity but reminded her she couldn’t bring her phone. So my husband and I communicated with her friend’s mom for the day – really, just for settling on a time to pick her up. My daughter not having her phone was not an issue at all.

4. Set up ground rules for limited screen time. I gave my daughter a half hour with her phone in the morning to text her friends and Google Meet her sister. I set a timer and then collected the phone when the 30 minutes was up. We also agreed that she could watch TV with me in the evenings for 30 to 45 minutes (this is our usual routine anyway). If you are working out of the house and your kid is at home during the day, you can do the 30 minutes of phone time when you’re around in the evening. (And if you’re concerned they won’t be able to reach you and you don’t have a landline phone, consider one of the newer options for these).

After the week was up, my daughter got her prized hair dryer straightener coffeemaker whatever. She was also happy to get her phone and laptop back. I thought she did very well without them and told her so. Her perspective was a little different – she said she felt “yearning” for her devices all week. When I asked her why, she said she missed looking things up, especially on shopping apps. I had to admit that was relatable.

But I liked the week so much that I’m hoping she’ll have a burning desire for another odd but expensive product in the future. She was more present in the moment that week. I smile when she shows me the things she bedazzled. I like that she learned she can go without her phone if she has to. And, as I’m writing this, she’s reading a book even though she has her phone back.

Now that’s a win.